Hey there, big guy. How’s it going being 23, out of college, whole life ahead of you, not a care in the world? If I remember correctly, it was a pretty great time to be alive. Big dreams, lots of energy, plenty of time on your hands and all that.

Just thought I’d drop you a little note from 2019 to let you know things here are pretty cool too.

Not living in a lunar bachelor pad like you thought. No fembots serving us martinis or a robo-dog bringing our slippers. Got a decent house, a beautiful wife, and two wonderful kids, though. Yes, I know what you’re going to say: “Every grownup has a decent house, a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids.” So sure, maybe it’s not all that original, but it’s pretty nice, and it makes sense now why everybody’s into it.

I can still picture you out there, backpack on, riding the train through Europe listening to Radiohead, in search of yourself. Welp, you found him, and he’s me. Whoop-de-doo, right? Not exactly what you had in mind. Crazy part is, when I listen to music now, I’m not carting around a binder full of CDs to play on a “DiscMan” hoping the song doesn’t skip. I just say the name of the song I want to hear into this thing called a smart phone and the song just starts playing. Pretty much any song I want.

Family life isn’t really all about the screaming and diapers like you thought. Definitely don’t have as much free time as you, though, that’s for sure. Not so easy to just traipse around, following those whims wherever they lead. Gotta stay focused, and be responsible now, you know? From where you’re at, it’s probably hard to understand why anyone would do that. Maybe it would help if you saw some pictures? I could show you right now, if you want. Got about 40,000 of them right here on the smart phone. Oh, that’s right, you keep your photos in a shoe box. Kinda forgot about that.

Been takin’ any good pictures lately? Still traveling the world with the ol’ 35mm Pentax around your neck? Pretty sexy look, mister world-is-my-oyster. Just don’t forget to stop in to the photomat to pay 25 cents each for those blurry photos of rock formations that you snapped on your leisurely Saturday hike with the friends. Not the kind of thing I’m doing nowadays, but I was just reading about these drones you can get that will fly along beside you, track your movement and shoot a continuous movie of whatever you’re doing at, like, 1000x the picture quality. A drone is a flying robot.

Sorry – no flying car in the driveway. And turns out the private jet wasn’t all that practical compared to the Ford EcoSport. Doesn’t matter too much, since it’s not so simple to just up and travel when you gotta feed the cat and get the kids to school. But if I felt like it, I suppose I could just tap a few buttons, buy a plane ticket to Albuquerque, book a spare room in someone’s house, get an instant map showing where to find all the best restaurants, and have a car appear at my door to get me on my way.

Still going to the movies every weekend? That was pretty nice. Looking forward to Batman Forever with Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne? It’s funny – now we’ve got amazing big budget movies about pretty much every superhero you can think of. Iron Man, Dr. Strange, Black Panther, even Ant Man. You might think those would be lame but they’re all pretty spectacular. It’s almost like there are too many superhero movies, but it’s not at all.

We also get a new Star Wars movie pretty much every year now. I think you’ve got like, what, 5 years until that first one? Don’t get your hopes up.

Sure, maybe I spend my nights at home watching shows instead of living the nightlife out on the town. But the shows happen to be amazing – great writing, great acting, major production value. They’re calling it “The Golden Age of Television.” You can watch a whole series at once without a single commercial.

How’s it going with the ladies? Not too swell, if memory serves. You’ll be happy to know you somehow found someone pretty exceptional. Did you know they’ve got a thing now where you can just look at your smart phone and get hooked up with, like, every hot girl in the neighborhood? Not much call for that stuff nowadays, but it seems like the kind of thing you would’ve been into so I just figured I’d tell you about it. I guess you could always plug in that 4800 baud modem and dial into an AOL chat room. Maybe you’ll meet some interesting women that aren’t dudes.

It just hit me that the connections are so fast now that we don’t even talk about baud rate anymore. Everything’s totally wireless too.

Still no Oscars or Pulitzers on the shelf. Sorry to disappoint you. But did I mention there’s legal weed in almost every state now? There’s even a thing on the smart phone where you press a button and some guy brings it to your door. Haven’t really used it, but I hear the stuff’s super potent nowadays.

There’s also about 10,000 different types of beer to choose from. Gonna go crack one open right after I press a button to make this letter visible to anyone on the planet.

Anyway, just wanted to check in with you, mister happy-go-lucky. I’ll let you get back to your carefree existence. If you’ve got any wise words to send my way, feel free to pick up a pay phone and leave a message on my answering machine.