{"id":2355,"date":"2015-05-22T17:46:24","date_gmt":"2015-05-22T17:46:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.joshworth.com\/?p=2355"},"modified":"2019-10-30T13:29:30","modified_gmt":"2019-10-30T13:29:30","slug":"5-monologues-for-mobile-phones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/5-monologues-for-mobile-phones\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Monologues for Mobile Phones"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"mobilemonologues_webimg3\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Some people have asked if I could post some of my scripts here on the blog, so I’ve been sifting through some old work to find some writing that might be share-able.<\/p>\n

This is a set of monologues that would be easy for anyone to produce on their own. They each involve one actor, they don’t require a stage, and the audience can be anyone who happens to be standing around. You don’t even need to memorize the lines, since you can simply have the text open on your phone while you speak into the mic on your earbuds.<\/p>\n

If you decide you’d like to perform any or all of these pieces, I’d love to get a video of the performance so I could post it here. An audio file would also be fine, since you could be recording on your device while delivering the monologue.<\/p>\n

You can download a printable PDF of 5 Monologues for Mobile Phones<\/em> by clicking here<\/a>, or just keep reading.<\/p>\n

\"mobilemonologues\"<\/a>
\n(.PDF)<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

5 MONOLOGUES FOR MOBILE\u00a0PHONES<\/strong><\/h3>\n

by<\/p>\n

Josh Worth<\/p>\n

Licensed under a\u00a0Creative Commons
\nAttribution-NonCommercial
\n4.0 International License.<\/h6>\n

Notes:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Ideally, these plays should be performed in a public place which is crowded, yet still relatively quiet. They are intended to be staged as “invisible theatre” pieces. The audience should consist of eavesdroppers who are unaware that they are witnessing a play.<\/em><\/p>\n

If audience-members are invited, they should be instructed to blend in with the crowd to maintain the illusion that these are actual phone conversations.<\/em><\/p>\n

Actors should deliver the monologues in a louder than average “phone voice” and remain somewhat oblivious to the fact that anyone might be listening.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

#1: Apology<\/h3>\n

Hey\u2026 You busy? You sound busy.
\nI can call back if-
\nOkay. No\u2026 Yeah. I just don’t want to get into it if-<\/p>\n

I don’t know. I guess I wanted to apologize.<\/p>\n

What do you think? For yesterday.<\/p>\n

It didn’t seem like you thought it was nothing.<\/p>\n

By the way you were talking to me. Your tone.<\/p>\n

Well it bothered me. That’s why I’m calling.<\/p>\n

I just think if we’re going to move forward we should keep everything out in the open.<\/p>\n

So that things don’t get all\u2026 you know-<\/p>\n

I know.<\/p>\n

I know! I just can’t believe that’s how you want to play this. I thought I was dealing with someone a little more\u2026 I don’t know. Mature.<\/p>\n

I’m not so sure I can move forward in this kind of atmosphere.<\/p>\n

The kind you’re setting up. It’s poisonous to me.<\/p>\n

Yes!<\/p>\n

So you think it’s fine. This is fine to you?<\/p>\n

Well I’m not. And I don’t want to be used to it.<\/p>\n

Roll with it? Fuck you\u2026 “Roll with it.” I can’t-<\/p>\n

I’ll make a big deal out of it if I want to.<\/p>\n

That shit you were saying. Those were some serious accusations.<\/p>\n

If I thought they were then they were. You can’t dictate to me how I interpret what you say.<\/p>\n

I am not dictating. When two people talk that’s just what happens. You only get to control what comes out of your own fucking mouth and once it’s out there it’s up to the other person what to do with it.<\/p>\n

What? You’re Isaac fucking Newton all of a sudden?<\/p>\n

Because it’s not necessarily equal and opposite. My reaction is my reaction and you don’t get to tell me-<\/p>\n

You do too have a problem. You’re just not willing to acknowledge-<\/p>\n

You would accept my apology, for one thing. And you’d act like a decent person and apologize right back.<\/p>\n

I do too.<\/p>\n

Because I actually cared enough to call you\u2026 to try and clear the air. The fact that you don’t seem to care makes me not care. How’s that for equal and opposite? I can be like that. I can pretend it was nothing since you apparently think that’s the best way to handle things.<\/p>\n

Fine then.<\/p>\n

No. I said fine. That’s obviously the way you are and I don’t have the energy to change it.<\/p>\n

Because that’s who I am and I’m not about to-<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

Fine.<\/p>\n

No. Go ahead.<\/p>\n

Call me back.<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

#2: Bad Dog<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hello?<\/p>\n

Right you are. The one with the dog.<\/p>\n

Yes. The miracles of technology never cease, do they?<\/p>\n

Is he? That’s great.<\/p>\n

He loves those tennis balls.<\/p>\n

Well\u2026 I guess I was just feeling like I should’ve given you a little more information about him.<\/p>\n

No. Not at all. You seem like you’ll be a great owner.<\/p>\n

No. No second thoughts. Like I said, he was too much for me to handle right now\u2026 And that’s kind of why I’m calling.<\/p>\n

The thing is, it’s kind of weird.<\/p>\n

As in, I’m not sure how you’ll take it. I don’t really know your beliefs or your background or anything.<\/p>\n

Well\u2026 Because people believe different things and that affects how they hear.<\/p>\n

Why don’t I just say what I called to say and you do with it what you want.<\/p>\n

It’s about my brother Stewart who disappeared about a year ago.<\/p>\n

Nobody knows where he went. That’s what I mean by disappeared. He said he was going to the movies one night and just never came back.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure. Some kind of horror movie, I think\u2026 But the point is, my brother had some problems.<\/p>\n

Drugs. Alcohol. A temper. He just had a weird energy about him and so\u2026 bad things seemed to follow him around.<\/p>\n

Like\u2026 when he showed up from Utah, the phone, the garbage disposal and my car all stopped working.<\/p>\n

On the same day, though. But that was minor stuff. During the time he was living with me, our trees got a disease. Our upstairs neighbor died \u2013 things like that.<\/p>\n

I know. But also he would say really hurtful things. Like he blamed me for my Dad\u2019s death. He even said after I wouldn\u2019t give him a cigarette that he hoped I died of lung cancer.<\/p>\n

I know. The thing is, though, he disappeared, right? Then about a month ago, Hardy showed up in the back yard digging up the plants. So, you know, I\u2019d been thinking about Stewart a lot. I missed having the company. So I decided to take him in and look after him.<\/p>\n

They just have a lot of the same problems.<\/p>\n

The trees got the same disease again. And the cable keeps going out. The hot water heater burst.<\/p>\n

Bad luck. I know\u2026 But then last week I was diagnosed with lung cancer.<\/p>\n

I really really wish I was<\/em> joking\u2026 I-<\/p>\n

Well, thank you. I\u2019m starting treatments next week.<\/p>\n

I hope so too. So I just thought-<\/p>\n

It\u2019s more than that, though.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s that I think they\u2019re the same.<\/p>\n

Hardy and Stewart.<\/p>\n

Yes. That\u2019s what I\u2019m saying.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know. But yes. Something like that.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re right. I probably am crazy. But just in case I\u2019m not I wanted-<\/p>\n

Look at his nose, though. It has a scar. Stewart had the same scar from a motorcycle accident. And you know the way Hardy scratches at his right paw? Stewart had eczema on is right hand.<\/p>\n

I promise you, I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know! I just felt like I needed to tell you and now I told you.<\/p>\n

God no. I don\u2019t want him back. Just \u2013 I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m sorry to burden you, maybe you were better off not-<\/p>\n

Hello? Are you there?\u2026 Hello?<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

#3: Salt<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hey. Where are you?<\/p>\n

Nothing. Just hating people.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know. I just came from Gaby\u2019s –<\/p>\n

Falafel.<\/p>\n

It was good. Except the lady at the table next to me was a real piece of work.<\/p>\n

Oh, you know. Bossing the waiter around and stuff. But then she knocked the salt off her table by accident.<\/p>\n

Yes. And she just sat there staring at me.<\/p>\n

Well, it landed like two inches closer to my table than to hers. So she just sat there waiting for me to pick it up.<\/p>\n

No. I just said \u201cOops.\u201d<\/p>\n

No. She could\u2019ve easily leaned over to pick it up but it was like, if I didn\u2019t do it for her, she was just going to leave it there forever.<\/p>\n

I just kept eating, but then I could feel her looking at me, so I finally just picked it up and placed it back on her table.<\/p>\n

Yea. But it was like a forced thanks. Like she wasn\u2019t quite satisfied with my reaction time.<\/p>\n

Of course it pissed me off.<\/p>\n

Because why should I be the one responsible for picking up her goddamn salt shaker?<\/p>\n

So what?<\/p>\n

I did pick it up. I just didn\u2019t like being taken advantage of. I mean, is that what it\u2019s come to? We screw up and just expect the people around us to bail us out?<\/p>\n

What do you mean by that?<\/p>\n

Listen\u2026 I was just telling you a story. I don\u2019t need you to lecture me about some kind of spiritual transcendental crap.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not. I just think if you make a habit out of bailing people out that they\u2019ll walk all over you.<\/p>\n

What? And be the doormat of the world?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not! She\u2019s the one who knocked it off the table, she should be the one to pick it up.<\/p>\n

Indian or something. Middle-Eastern? I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Why should she expect it? She would\u2019ve done the same for me.<\/p>\n

I could just tell.<\/p>\n

Really? You honestly think that?<\/p>\n

\u201cFellow man.\u201d Don\u2019t give me that bullshit.<\/p>\n

You know, it\u2019s no wonder you got screwed over on that apartment. You think we all live in this hunky-dory world where we work together and rely on each other like some kind of-<\/p>\n

Well I just wanted a sympathetic ear. Is that<\/em> too much to ask for?<\/p>\n

Never mind. You\u2019re just making me hate people even more.<\/p>\n

No. I\u2019m hanging up now.<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

#4: The Death of Flutterbell<\/h3>\n

Well hello there! Aren\u2019t you a big girl answering the phone.<\/p>\n

Yes it is. How did you know?<\/p>\n

You did? Well aren\u2019t you smart? Is your Mommy-<\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

Of course I want to talk to you. Don\u2019t be silly.<\/p>\n

You are? Well, That sounds like fun. Is it-<\/p>\n

Sure I do.<\/p>\n

Who?<\/p>\n

Ohhh. Yes. Flutterbell. Of course I remember.<\/p>\n

You want to talk to her? Well she\u2019s not-<\/p>\n

Okay. I\u2019ll call her. I think se\u2019s around\u2026 Flutterbell! Oh Flutterbell!\u2026 Okay. Here she is\u2026<\/p>\n

(Flutterbell speaks in whistles and chirps. Despite this fact, the \u201cconversation\u201d carries on for over a minute.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Oops. Flutterbell had to go away.<\/p>\n

Well\u2026 She had to\u2026 She had to go with Butterbell to the fairy fair.<\/p>\n

Oh, that\u2019s where all the fairies go to show off their fairy tricks.<\/p>\n

Oh, like all the new fairy dances and all the new songs.<\/p>\n

Of course they ride ponies. Why wouldn\u2019t they?<\/p>\n

Can I talk to your mommy?<\/p>\n

Oops. What\u2019s that Flutterbell? (More whistling and chirping<\/em>) Okay Flutterbell I\u2019ll tell her\u2026 Flutterbell wanted to tell you that you\u2019re her best friend and she loves you.<\/p>\n

Yes, she sure did. Why don\u2019t you believe her?<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be silly. Of course she did. I need to talk to your Mother now, okay? Can you hand her the phone? Thank you. Bye sweetie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Such a good girl she is.<\/p>\n

I know. I understood every word.<\/p>\n

Yes. She had a nice chat with Flutterbell.<\/p>\n

Yes. Tinkerbell\u2019s cousin.<\/p>\n

What do you mean?<\/p>\n

No. She knows it\u2019s me.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know. She\u2019s a little girl. I just assumed-<\/p>\n

She\u2019s pretending. That\u2019s what little girls do. Don\u2019t you-<\/p>\n

No. I know you do. We were just having a little fun.<\/p>\n

Really?<\/p>\n

You\u2019re serious?<\/p>\n

I know. I guess I\u2019m sorry then, I just-<\/p>\n

But still. I don\u2019t think you need to worry about it so much. Doesn\u2019t she pretend with you?<\/p>\n

Well she should.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not! I think maybe you\u2019re being overly-<\/p>\n

What? C\u2019mon.<\/p>\n

Really? I find that hard to believe.<\/p>\n

Because she\u2019ll grow out of it.<\/p>\n

She just will. It happens naturally.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/p>\n

He said that?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure he\u2019s the best.<\/p>\n

Well is it like a medical thing?<\/p>\n

What kind of drugs?<\/p>\n

That just seems so drastic.<\/p>\n

I know I don\u2019t live with her but I just can\u2019t imagine that she can\u2019t tell the difference.<\/p>\n

You can just tell. One thing\u2019s real and one thing\u2019s not.<\/p>\n

I guess I\u2019ve just never heard of that.<\/p>\n

Okay. If you think it\u2019s best.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hi sweetie-pie.<\/p>\n

Yes. I need to tell you something. Are you listening?<\/p>\n

Okay. Listen to me. Flutterbell\u2019s not real.<\/p>\n

No. She can\u2019t talk to you because she\u2019s make-believe.<\/p>\n

No, honey. She\u2019s not. It was just me whistling. (Whistles) <\/em>See? That was me.<\/p>\n

Well because I was playing.<\/p>\n

No! For fun!<\/p>\n

No. Please don\u2019t-<\/p>\n

It\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n

Yes it is. You don\u2019t have to-<\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t cry. Don\u2019t-<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hello?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

God. I\u2019m so sorry. I had no idea.<\/p>\n

Can you tell her I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n

Okay. Sure. Go. I\u2019m so sorry.<\/p>\n

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\n

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#5: Dropped<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hello?<\/p>\n

I can hear you? Can you hear me?<\/p>\n

Let me call you back.<\/p>\n

(Re-dials<\/em>)<\/p>\n

Hello?<\/p>\n

No. I think it\u2019s your phone.<\/p>\n

You sound like you\u2019re in a cave. Let me try again.<\/p>\n

(Re-dials)<\/em><\/p>\n

Hello?<\/p>\n

Okay. That\u2019s better.<\/p>\n

Because I hate \u201ctexting.\u201d I\u2019m not a \u201ctexter.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m too old. My thumbs haven\u2019t been trained for it. Why can\u2019t you just get a phone that works?<\/p>\n

I can talk to other people just fine? Why not you?<\/p>\n

Well that says something, doesn\u2019t it? Where are you?<\/p>\n

Really? When?<\/p>\n

You weren\u2019t going to tell me? I thought we were going to work on the fencing project.<\/p>\n

Today!<\/p>\n

Yes! Maybe if you had a phone that worked\u2026<\/p>\n

Because I want to talk to you.<\/em><\/p>\n

Well I\u2019m not like you. I don\u2019t just call people so I have someone\u2019s voice to keep me company. I actually have a reason<\/em> for calling.<\/p>\n

The fencing project.<\/p>\n

When then?<\/p>\n

Are you avoiding me or something?<\/p>\n

Because whenever we talk, it\u2019s like you\u2019re somewhere else. Even when we talk in person you\u2019re either on the phone or texting, or something.<\/p>\n

Well if that\u2019s what it means to be young, then I\u2019m glad<\/em> I\u2019m older.<\/p>\n

Networking. Please. What have you got except a network of disembodied voices and anonymous messages?<\/p>\n

They are not just as good.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t care. They don\u2019t know you as a real flesh and blood person like I do.<\/p>\n

Because if they did, they wouldn\u2019t put up with your weird bullshit.<\/p>\n

Because I\u2019m your friend. Not your \u201cbuddy\u201d or your \u201ccyberpal.\u201d An actual friend who went to see you in the hospital and drove you home and took care of you.<\/p>\n

I know it\u2019s a support system.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s why<\/em> it works. You can hide or reveal whatever makes you comfortable and nobody knows the difference. You just exchange smilies and winkies or whatever and pretend it\u2019s a relationship. You don\u2019t have to deal with anyone on a real level.<\/p>\n

It is not<\/em> more real. I can\u2019t believe you\u2019d even say that after all I\u2019ve-<\/p>\n

What? What do you mean?<\/p>\n

When? Right now?<\/p>\n

When did this happen?<\/p>\n

Which one?<\/p>\n

No I think it\u2019s great. I just hope you\u2019re being careful.<\/p>\n

Because you don\u2019t know anything about him! He could be-<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not trying to be insulting. I\u2019m just saying people you meet that way can have different ideas of \u2013 they can have other motives that you don\u2019t know about.<\/p>\n

No I\u2019m not. I\u2019m just looking out for you.<\/p>\n

Fine. Go hang out with him. Sorry I interrupted.<\/p>\n

I am happy for you. And I\u2019m happy for me.<\/p>\n

Because maybe there\u2019s finally someone stupid enough to take on all your baggage so I don\u2019t have to do it anymore.<\/p>\n

No. Fine. Go. Maybe you can \u201ctext\u201d me sometime and tell me how it went.<\/p>\n

Bye.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\tSome short plays, published here for anyone to perform on their cellphone.\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2602,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2355","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-plays","category-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2355","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2355"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2355\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2602"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joshworth.com\/jpw\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}