1. Learn to play canasta. Become really really good. Get your friends together for a friendly game. Annihilate them in minutes. They’ll never play you again, but they’ll all say to each other, “Wow – he’s really good at canasta”
  2. Only eat with chopsticks. Even soup.
  3. Always wear a tuxedo. (Goes for girls too.)
  4. Create a dossier for each of your friends. Use a manila folder with their picture affixed to the front with a paperclip. Type their full name on the folder tab. Fill the folder with facts, documents, pictures, and printouts of all their emails. Whenever you get together with a friend, place the dossier on the table in front of them and leaf through it from time to time.
  5. Grow a mustache. (Girls too.)
  6. Regularly read Pravda – the Russian newspaper. When a current event comes up in conversation, you can say “I was just reading about that in Pravda”
  7. Frequently stop talking mid-sentence, raise one eyebrow and say the name of a mathematician. Resume conversation,
  8. Bandage two fingers together. if someone asks what happened, just shake your head and sigh. Change the subject.
  9. Tattoo the word “Hi” on your forehead.
  10. Use Q-tips and toothpicks simultaneously.